Streaming/video games

Hey guys, we head over to the video game and streaming section.

So I am still streaming video games but I never told you guys that I had a brand new PC.
I love it very much and I am able to finally stream most of every game that is out there!

I also have a game capture card that captures next gen consoles. So I can stream all of my PS4 games as well and not have to use the built-in stream on the consoles. Its much better using the capture card.

I recently got games like, DOOM, Grim Dawn and others. I am just have a wonderful blast with streaming alot of games finally!

I still do horror nights sometimes but I noticed alot of people are really not that into them anymore. Its cool for a few weeks but then it dies to fast. So I have no clue what I wanna do with horror games anymore.


Well that is it for now I will post more things about games more often. Here is the link to my twitch channel and youtube.

www.twitch.tv/tealaian

www.youtube.com/tealaian

See you all later! :)

The things I realize

Hey guys! How is everyone doing?

So my below post about dealing to much made me think on alot of other things about this.

I know what I talked about with my ex and it started to make sense. Alot of sense.
There are mistakes by my end that are easily changeable and thats what I wanted to do.
I have changed and my life started to kick in. But my ex is trying to keep a reason to stay away from me and staying with her other bf.

But the reasons that point on my end seems like "Love" isn't for her. I know I have problems thinking on stuff but that has changed. I know I don't have a car or a place yet which I am working on. My ex is a fast pace relationship type person. So its like a ticking time with me if I can't get it, I can't have her.

That is not love. That is a one sided relationship and it feels I am the only one that really actually loves her, but I also realized. Did she even really loved me?

Why would I be with someone that acts this way? She is with her new man just because he is doing the same thing I did but has other things she wants. This really is not a relationship, just a "take care of me, type".

Here's the thing. I have took care of her but I took care of her and meant it with my heart and soul and she ran off.

How I see it. Love would of been, sticking together, finding a place together, both having jobs, getting a car, having whatever else. Staying with one another for life. Of course if it "really" wasn't meant to be then thats a different story. But of course this story is based on that.

Love = REAL heart meaning love. Something I have. Thats what I was really trying to say.

I have been depressed and still am but just alittle bit now. I have come to realize these things from my ex that really its not ALL my fault. But seems like the one for me wasn't really the one for me and I guess god wanted me to see what she was.

I think I finally understand him and why he kept me away from her and still is keeping me away from her right now.

It feels like he is saying, "I deserve a better women", but I have no clue who that will be and we will find out at some point in my life.

Dealing with to much.

Hey guys. So as you can see I finally changed out the blog and remade it. I wanted to start over and I had a redirect link that I could not take away so that was the other reason for that mostly.

 As you guys can see, I had a post about the depression and other things that been going around lately.
There has been alot of things that don't make any sense to me and things that someone doesn't get what I try to say.

I get annoyed by the fact I keep being pushed down and blamed. I hate the fact that someone doesn't see a truth in front of them.



Anyways, remember I mentioned the one that I truly loved and got pushed away? Well of course I still want her in my life. But the one thing she didn't get, was I don't want her as just a relationship.

Here's is a thing I don't get. I was friends with her for alot of years, yes I loved her, but I love her her. Her. I want her, because she was the one for me. I took care of her for years because I cared. It wasn't just a relationship, it was care and friendship. I wanted her. Just her.

What I'm getting at is that, I can't love someone and be thought that I just wanted her as a relationship? If I just wanted her as a relationship, then I wouldn't be with her right now, I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't be doing games with her. I would be denying her all the time. I say, leave me alone. But do I do that? No. So I don't know what this thing, "mean", and I don't think ill have the headache to find out anymore.

The reason why I talk less to her is because I'm  massively depressed, not just because I don't have her as a relationship, is because I can't be there to take care of her and watch over her. She threw me away for someone else that is doing the same thing.

I was freaked out when she was in a rebound relationship, why wouldn't I tho? Because every rebound relationship ends up in a real one. You know why? Because I was that victim. I gave someone a rebound as well and ended up in love. This is why I freaked out when she announced it with someone. I knew for a fact that he will do anything to get her for real.

Not wanting a relationship should of been no rebound. Thinking I am the only one that just wanted a relationship? That someone else wanted the same thing.

Sometimes I wonder if it was all just a play to get in that relationship. Alot of that goes in my head because I know how that plays out.

She is now engaged. That also killed me. This is another reason why I talk less as well, because how fast it went.

I cry in my sleep some nights and I almost cry while I work. How can I feel fine how someone you really cared about. You sat and been with her for years and being in a relationship, then suddenly she leaves from out of love and turns around and decides to be engaged with someone else?

How does it make me feel? Like I shouldn't exist anymore. If this guy is so much better, then I guess me shouldn't of happened ever..



Despite all this, I have been trying everything I can to resort my mind. Its still in a very broken state, but I am trying to control what I think and other things.

Starting soon

Hey guys! I just redid my blog and its the same name. Soon ill be blogging all over again :). Stay tuned!